Back in my hometown

I came back to Santa Barbara two nights ago, just in time to witness another step in my mother's descent. She was sleeping heavily when I arrived and didn't awaken until around 11 that night, when she needed to use the bathroom. When my older sister and I tried to lift her, she was a ragdoll. Her muscles were so weak that she couldn't hold any percentage of her own weight. We hadn't set up the bedside commode, so it was a difficult few steps to the bathroom and then back again. Lesson learned. She's only getting up once every 18 to 24 hours now, but she gets restless now and again and needs help sitting up and staying up once we get her there. I just sit in back of her and put my arms around her. And she needs more morphine, which means she's a lot less lucid. But she did have two visitors this morning with whom she was able to talk briefly: a longtime family friend, L, whose arrival sparked the first smile I've seen from my mom in a long while; and P, mom's favorite friend from the bereavement group she joined 8 years ago after my father died. P is the newly named poet laureate of our city. She brought a beautifully written card and a book of poetry (not her own). All Mom's close friends are showing up now. They all know they need to see her now, while they can, and say what's in their hearts.

I'm glad to have had the weekend to get used to Mom's new care needs. She may be in bed more, but this means we have to move her more. Her muscles are completely flaccid, so moving her takes a lot of work, and usually it takes two people. My sister recognizes this, and has decided to stay with me--although she wants me to ask the Hospice people how to move Mom on and off the commode more easily by myself while also managing her pull-up protective briefs. It's near-impossible. I'm pretty sure the nurse or health aide will recommend we just make the switch to full-on adult diapers, which of course we're not looking forward to. I hope my sister stays with me. I don't feel up to facing this alone right now.