Sick, and tired of it.

It's exactly one week until I become a married person. I've been doing a lot of prep work, which you can read about on the wedding blog (link at right). It hasn't helped that I've been sick with an intestinal bug since late Wednesday night. It's kept me awake on the hour these last four nights and I'm a bit drawn. If things don't clear up by tomorrow, I'm going straight to the doctor. Enough is enough. Today I really wanted my mother here, and not only because I'm sick. It's just too strange to be heading into marriage without my parents. My dad I'm accustomed to having lost. I miss him, but I'm used to it. I'm still not used to being without my mom. It's helped immensely that since July I've been seeing a counselor at Kara, a non-profit grief support organization based in Palo Alto. If not for that, I'm certain I'd still be really deep in the weeds. I go weekly. After I'm done and have been away from it a while, I'll go back, get training, and become a peer counselor myself. It's something I feel a strong pull to do. In this world, grief is not given its due. It's weird enough that nobody talks about dying and death. But it's even stranger that those of us who are grieving are pretty much doing it alone. And we're expected to do it quickly--at least here in America we are. Six months is considered the outer limit of time allowed. Mention any feelings of loss after that, and we're considered mentally ill and in need of medication, or at best self-indulgent. And so you swiftly learn to just not talk about it. Not even with family and friends, at least not in any detail. And so thank God for Kara. I think every town and city should have one.

Underdogs score big.

We threw Super Bowl Chilifest III at our house this afternoon, and 24 people showed up. That meant a triple batch of meat-only chili, which called for 11 pounds of pork, 42 pasilla chiles, 16 onions, several cans of tomatoes, and a small VW-full of spices. Bob did the cooking while I cleaned the house and then caught up on wedding crafts (for details, see 1+1, my wedblog; link at right). He also made two pans of cornbread and four ricotta-spinach pies, along with two pans of raspberry bars. We had a 'fridge full of sodas and beer, and at 3 p.m. people starting streaming in the door, bringing with them enough drink to float the Queen Mary. It was spectacular. Except, of course, for the fact that New York took the trophy home. My entire paternal domestic line is now officially in mourning. We host a pool and give away prizes at each quarter. This year, newcomers took the first-, second-, and third-quarter prizes. A 12-year scotch as the fourth-quarter prize, and our neighbor from across the hall won that. It's fitting, as he and his wife run a wine shop and are always bringing us bottles to try. We cleaned up within an hour, and now I'm sipping some red and catching up on my browsing and blogging.

meme-o-rama (from my cousin's blog)

I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. It can be as long or as short as you like. Be honest! Answer in the comments and then repost in your own journal so I can respond.

**You can answer what you're comfortable with**

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

2) What was your dream growing up?

3) What talent do you wish you had?

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

5) Favorite vegetable?

6) What was the last book you read?

7) What zodiac sign are you?

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.

9) Worst Habit?

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.

16) Do you have any pets?

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18) What was your first impression of me?

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22) What color eyes do you have?

23) Ever been arrested?

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?

28) Do you believe in ghosts?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30) Do you swear a lot?

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

35) Do you believe in God?

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?